Redneck home security system
 

Buy a pair of size 14-16 work boots.
Put them on front porch with a copy of Guns & Ammo
Put some giant dog dishes next to boots & magazines
Leave note on your door: "Bubba: Me & Bertha went for more ammo & beer Back soon. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they messed the mailman up bad this morning. I don't think Killer took part; hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back