THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER - MEN WITH VEN
Grandma lost her teeth
She was blowing the trombone
She found it a skip
As she was walking home
Dad went to pick her up
But one of his tyres was flat
Mum got so distracted
She tumble dried the cat
Then the Christmas tree caugh fire
The presents went up in smoke
We couldn’t buy another thing
Cos we were stony broke
Me mum said it’s the thought that counts
Aunty Val began to blub
So Uncle Keith said, ‘blow this!
I’m going down the pub.’
It was the worst Christmas ever
No turkey, no crackers, no beer
It was the worst Christmas ever
Since last year
The tropical fish were boiled alive
The dog pissed on the twiglets
Instead of stuffing in the bird
Me mum left in the giblets
The sherry was like vinegar
The gin was more like bleach
Grandad sang the ‘The Red Flag’
And ruined the Queens Speech
The neighbors had gone away
On holiday to Crete
But they left a CD of Susan Boyle
Playing on repeat
Our sister Mary and her kids
Drove us up the wall
The dog ate some of Granddad's pills
And pebble dashed the hall
It was the worst Christmas ever
No turkey no crackers no beer
It was the worst Christmas ever
Since last year
It was the worst Christmas ever
A lot of grief and not a drop of good cheer
It was the worst Christmas ever
Until next year
The heating, the telly
The fridge all went on the blink
And Uncle Keith got off his face
And puked Mary’s mink
So auntie threw the gravy boat
All over Uncle Keith
We cut into the Christmas pud
And there were Grandma’s teeth
It was the worst Christmas ever
No turkey no crackers no beer
It was the worst Christmas ever
Since last year
It was the worst Christmas ever
A lot of grief and not a drop of good cheer
It was the worst Christmas ever
Since last year
Until next year
Same every year
Happy new year.