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Old 17-03-22, 14:09   #3
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Arrow Right Re: HAPPY St. Patrick’s Day..Erin go Bragh (Ireland Forever)

HAPPY St. Patrick’s Day








The Demon Drink


An old drunk is on his way into a bar when a nun standing outside the bar suddenly speaks to him. “Your drinking is the easy road to evil and damnation. Drink will pollute your body and soul. Give up the foul spirits and live a better life!”

The drunk looks at her and asks, “How do you know that drinking is so bad for you?”

The nun looks puzzled and shrugs. The drunk asks,

“Have you ever even tried a drink?” The nun admits she hasn’t, so the drunk tells her, “Listen, I’ll go into the bar and order myself a drink and I’ll get one for you too. I’ll bring it out here and you can taste it yourself and see that alcohol is nothing bad.”

The nun reluctantly agrees, but says, “I don’t want anybody out here getting the wrong idea about me, so would you mind bringing me the drink in a paper cup?”.

The drunk agrees to this and goes inside. At the bar he tells the bartender “Give me a double shot of whiskey, and a second half shot in a paper cup.”


The bartender groans and says: “Is that bloody nun out there again?”



Cavan Jokes


People from this county are allegedly especially flinty and careful with their money.

- Where does a Cavan father bring his kids on Christmas Eve?
To Santa’s grave.

- Why does a Cavan man get married in a farmyard? So the hens can eat the rice.

- How was the Grand Canyon formed? A Cavan man dropped a nickel down a rabbit hole.

- A Cavan man and his wife were at the fair and a pilot was offering a free flight to anyone who would stay quiet while he did loop the loops in the small plane. If they screamed it would cost $50.

- The Cavan couple climbed on board and the pilot did his worst to complete silence from the back of the plane.

- Finally he landed and he complimented the Cavan man on the two-way radio for staying quiet.
“Ah now, I nearly shouted when the wife fell out," the Cavan man replied.



Kerry Jokes

Ireland’s smartest rural county with a reputation for cleverness.

Question asked of a Kerry man:

- “Is it true when you ask a Kerry man a question he answers by asking another?

Kerry man: “Who told you that”?

- The Kerry man told his friend he’d invented a spaceship to go to the sun:

“But you’ll burn up its way too hot.”

“No problem we’ll go at night,” the Kerry man replied.

- Two Kerry men got lost on a dark night and stumbled into a graveyard.

“Where the hell are we,” said one.

“No problem I know by this sign post,” said the other looking at a gravestone “it says 'Miles from Dublin'”

- An unpopular Kerry man died and the priest could get no one to say a kind word. Eventually, after an awkward silence a little man at the back of the church volunteered and said. “His brother was worse”


Cork Jokes

- Cork people are said to have high opinions of themselves as in “Help, help, my son the doctor is drowning.”

- A brick on a Cork man’s head is called “an ext
ension.”




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