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Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:25

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. Jock Brown - Celtic General Manager.

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:26

Twins Jack and Sarah were always squabbling. Tired of listening to them yelling at each other and knowing full well neither one would admit they were in the wrong, their mother says, "I have an idea: Sarah, why don't you tell Jack you were wrong, and Jack, you tell Sarah she was right. So, Sarah says to Jack "I was wrong." Jack grins and says to Sarah: "You are right."

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:26

Two lovely old biddies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week for a cup of tea and a natter. One day they were sipping their tea when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't go getting upset with me...I know we've been pals for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. At last, she said, "How soon do you need to know?

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:27

A young lad had just gotten his provisional license. (learner's permit) He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "If you bring your marks up, study your bible, and get your hair cut, we'll talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could now discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Well, son, I see that your marks have improved, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Didn't Samson have long hair, Moses have long hair, Noah have long hair, and even Jesus himself have long hair?" His father replied, "They did so, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:28

Morris walks out into the street and hails a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Liam." "Who?" "Liam O'Connor. There's a lad who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Liam.""Every path has its puddle" says Morris." "It wasn't like that with Liam," says the cabbie."He was a brilliant athlete. He could have played football for Kerry. He could golf with the pros. He sang like Ronan Tynon and he danced like Michael Flatley. What's more, he had a memory like Methusalah. He could remember everyone's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole town goes out.""No wonder you remember him." says Morris. "Well, I never actually met the man." "Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Morris. "I married his widow."

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:28

Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete died. Boat for sale"

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:29

Well, our lovely 90-year old Miss O'Leary is at it again....she was certain her horse would win the big race at the Curragh because the bookie told her it would start at twenty to one and the race didn't begin until a quarter past.

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:30

Pat and Mike are drinking in the done-up version of their local pub, The Continental Bistro and Bar in the Ballybegorrah Arms Hotel, Killarney. They take in the no-sawdust on the new Italian tile floor; the hi-back red leather bar stools; the bowls of free black olives, cashew nuts and tasty "tapas" on the shiny, black, two inch thick, granite counter. "Ye know", Pat," says Mike, "it's all brilliant, but I miss the auld spittoon." Pat takes his pipe from his mouth, sips his pint, then says,"You always did, me auld friend. You always did."

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:30

While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family's faith to class. At the appropriate time, she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students. The first child said, "I am Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."
The second child said, "I am Jewish, and this is my Star of David."
The third child said, "I am Catholic, and this is my rosary."
The final child said, "I am Protestant, and this is my casserole dish.

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:31

An Irish lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Jameson with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me." "Well, thank you kindly, sir" says she. As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too." The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I'll have a Jameson with two drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too." The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I'll have another Jameson with two drops of water." "Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Jameson with only two drops of water?" The old woman replies, "Ah, lad, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold the hard stuff. Holding your water, however, is another matter entirely."

Ladybbird · 11-06-11, 04:33

End P.2

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to hold the bulb, one to screw it in, and one to say how grand the old one was.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:33

P3

Father Murphy went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. At one house it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the priest had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote "Revelations 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door:

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and him with me."

The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below Father Murphy's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10":

"I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself."

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:35

Sir Boyle Roche, MP for Co. Kerry was notorious for his oratorical blunders. Witness this lovely example:
During the French Revolution, he warned that the revolutionaries might invade Ireland. "Sir," he declaimed, "they would break in, cut us to mince meat and throw our bleeding heads on that table to stare us in the face." Who would not answer such a call to arms, not to mention legs and feet?"

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:37

Next Of Kin

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. O'Toole, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, sorry, I don't have any insurance," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" asked the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun persisted. "Just my sister in America" he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. O'Toole. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God."

"Wonderful," said O'Toole. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:39

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the lady all dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the man wearing black?"

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:40

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:42

"Which is the first and most important sacrament?" asked the Catechism teacher. "Marriage", avowed Moira. "No, baptism is the first and most important sacrament," corrected the teacher. "Not in our family," retorted Moira, in a haughty voice. "We're decent people!"

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:44

Charlie was a regular visitor at the Galway Races. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the race very carefully, and sure enough the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again he went to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Thinking there might be something to it, Charlie put a couple of euros on the blessed horse. Sure enough it came in by two lengths and Charlie won close to fifty euros! The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races and Charlie won each time. He was now ahead a thousand, so between races Charlie left the track, went to the bank and withdrew his life's savings. The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the priest and watched which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put every euro he owned on that horse to win. The race began. Down the stretch they came, and as they crossed the finish line, Charlie's pick was last! Devastated, he found the priest and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses all day, and they all became winners except the last horse on which he had bet his life savings. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Why didn't it win like the others?" "Ye must be a Protestant," sighed the priest. "The trouble is you can't tell the difference between a blessing and the last rites."

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:47

A wealthy couple from Texas were touring Ireland and found themselves in a tiny rural village at lunchtime. The only place serving food was a somewhat rustic looking cafe which in their opinion, had seen better days. Having no other choice, they carefully stepped over the pooch snoozing on the threshold and went inside. As they sat down, the husband frowned as he brushed some crumbs from his chair and his wife did likewise as she wiped the table with her napkin.The waitress came over and asked if they would like to see a menu. "No thanks," said the husband. "I'll just have a cup of tea with cream and sugar."I'll have the same", his wife said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." Unphased by the rudeness of the remark, the waitress smiled and marched off into the kitchen. A few minutes later, she was back."Two cups of tea," she announced in her lovely lilting Irish brogue..."And which one of you was it who wanted the clean cup?"

.

Ladybbird · 21-06-11, 18:49

Two Irish men are in a plane. The roof comes off! Mick says to Paddy, "If this plane turns upside down will we fall out??""No way Mick" says Paddy, "we'll still be best friends."

.

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:50

Three priests went for a ramble in the country. It was unusually hot for Ireland in September and before too long, they were sweating profusely. They came upon a small lake and since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few blackberries while enjoying their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area, they saw a group of ladies from the village coming towards them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, two of the priests covered their privates, but the third one covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the first two priests asked the third why he covered his face rather than his privates. "I don't know about you two," he replied, "but in my parish, it's my face they would recognize."

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:51

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on the roof of a skyscraper. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping as well." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped. The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he was so bored with burritos." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife...
wait for it.........
Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:52

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said !*#!, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "!*#!, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really angry now and says, "Father , God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father swings and misses again. "!*#!, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes the nun dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice.........
"S!*#!, I missed."

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:54

The store manager, O'Reilly, heard Maryann his assistant tell a customer, "No mam, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." O'Reilly was horrified and ran over to the customer and said, "Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week." Then he took the assistant aside and said, "Never, never, say we're out of anything - say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now what was it she wanted?" "Rain," said the assistant.

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:56

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to squabble over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:57

Idly, the American tourist watched the Cork man dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called out: "Hey, buddy, what's that you're doing?"
"I'm digging potatoes, sir." "Potatoes? You call those puny things potatoes? Back home in Idaho we have potatoes ten times that size!" "Indeed sir, and that's as it needs be; a good potato should be of a size to fit the mouth."

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:58

A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Dublin. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one food that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 02:59

A bit of graveyard humor in observation of October and the run up to Samhaim
Beneath this stone lies Murphy
They buried him today
He lived the life of Reilly
While Reilly was away

Ladybbird · 26-06-11, 03:06

P4

Seamus O'Brien had been hailed as the most intelligent Irish man for three years running. He had topped such shows as Larry Gogans 'Just a Minute Quiz' and 'Quicksilver'. It was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter into the English Mastermind Championships. He did, and won a place. On the evening of the competition, Seamus walks on stage, sits down and makes himself comfortable. The lights dim and a spotlight shines on his face. Magnus, the emcee, proceeds: "Seamus, what subject are you studying?" Seamus responds, "Irish history". "Very well," says Magnus, "your first question - in what year did the 'Easter Rising take place?" "Pass," says Seamus. "Okay," says Magnus, "Who was the leader of the Easter Rising?" Seamus responds,"Pass." "Well then," says Magnus, "how long did the Easter Rising last?" Again, Seamus responds, "Pass." Instantly, a voice from the audience shouts out: "Good man, Seamus - tell the English nothing..."

Ladybbird · 01-07-11, 02:42

The teacher asked each of her students how they celebrated Christmas. She calls first on young Patrick O'Flaherty. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time? Patrick addresses the class: "Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing carols. Then we come home very late and we hang up our pillowcases at the foot of the bed. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys." "Very nice, Patrick," the teacher says. "Now, Billy Murphy, what do you do at Christmas?" "Me and my sister go to church with Mum and Dad, and we also sing carols. When we get home, we put biscuits and milk by the chimney and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents." "That's also very nice, Billy," she said. Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked him the same question. "Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?" "Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responds. Surprised, the teacher questions further. "Tell us what you sing." "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing, 'What a friend we have in Jesus.' Then we all go to the Bahamas."

Ladybbird · 01-07-11, 02:44

A passerby watched two Kerry men in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. "Tell me," said the passerby, "What on earth are you doing?" "Well," said the digger,"Usually there are three of us. I dig, Paddy plants the tree and Mick fills in the hole. Today Paddy is off ill, but that doesn't mean Mick and I get the day off, does it?"

Ladybbird · 01-07-11, 02:44

Two Irish women walking through the forest one day hear a voice coming from near a log."Help me." They lifted the log and underneath found a frog. "Help me " said the frog "I am an investment banker turned into a frog by an evil curse. I need to be kissed by a woman and I will turn back into an investment banker." One of the women grabbed the frog and stuffed it into her handbag. Aghast, her friend said, "Did you not hear the frog? He needs to to be returned to being an investment banker." "Listen", her friend said."these days a talking frog is worth a lot more than an investment banker."

Ladybbird · 01-07-11, 02:45

Two English counterfeiters had produced thousands of genuine-looking notes - £50, £20, £10 - and really they should have been happy with their lot. Much wants more, so they scrambled through the discarded notes that had not passed close scrutiny. Among the jumble they came upon a perfectly fine note - watermarked, Queen's head in exactly the right place. The only trouble was that the amount shown was £18. Never mind,' said Brown, the bossman. "We'll unload it when we're over in Ireland." And so they took the note with them and, whilst in Kerry, they entered a corner shop to dispense with it "Excuse me," said Brown to shopkeeper Casey. "Have you got change for an £18 note?" "Indeed, sir," said Casey. "And would you like three sixes or two nines?"

Ladybbird · 01-07-11, 02:46

When my wife's sister, Patty, was very young, she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy named Rory, over to spend the night. As the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew that someday the sleepovers would have to end. One night, when Rory and his family were visiting, everyone gathered around the television to watch the Rose of Tralee pageant. When Patty asked if Rory could stay over, the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally come to discontinue the tradition. At that moment, the pageant host announced a contestant's measurements: 36-22-36. "Rory," his mother asked, "what are those numbers?" The boy thought for only a moment before responding, "Ninety-four?"
Rory was allowed to stay.

stevedore · 01-07-11, 03:44

Perfect lol

Ladybbird · 18-07-11, 14:14

4

For many years Kate Murphy had run the fruit and vegetable stall in the town market and she'd learned to have an answer for any situation. So there she stood, watching the big Texan who was poking around the stall. 'Hey, what are these?' he asked. 'Apples,' said Kate. 'Apples?' laughed the Yank. 'Why, in Texas we have apples twice that size! And what are these?' "Those are potatoes,' said Kate. 'Potatoes? Where I come from, bragged the Texan, our potatoes are twice as big at least,' Just then he picked up a cabbage, but before he could speak Kate said: 'If you're not buying Brussels sprouts, you'd best be putting that down.'

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:07

Clonmacnoise

Founded in 545 AD by St Ciaran, Clonmacnoise monastery became between the 7th and 12th centuries a religious, literature and arts center for monks all over Europe. They came to study and pray in the “Island of saints and scholars” when the rest of Europe was still in the Dark Ages. Clonmacnoise was totally devastated by fire as well as successive raids but the site retains its stunning features. The view captured in this image has remained relatively unchanged for 1500 years. Clonmacnoise lay in decay until the Office of Public Works began the arduous task of turning this sacred place into one of Ireland's most famous visitors' centres. Interestingly - and we have yet to find out why - for centuries, courting couples have stood on each side of the arch whispering their words of love to each other.
END

Maybe we could be rebuild it,,,, and I could put a few of you guys in there when you are being naughty in the Mature Section.

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:25

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that the local vicar had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The vicar agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old in first that morning; with the older boy to see the vicar in the afternoon. The vicar, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide eyed. So the vicar repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the vicar raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!!!!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dived into a cupboard, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the cupboard , he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing - and they think WE did it.!"

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:27

Sean got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the local pub. He made such a racket as he weaved his way through the house that he woke up the wife."By all the saints, what are you doing down there?"she shouted from the bedroom. "Get yourself up here and don't be waking the neighbours." "I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinness up the stairs," he shouted back. "Leave it 'till the morning," she shouted down. "I can't" says he, "I've drank it!"

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:29

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Ireland when she saw an elderly woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. After a bit of small talk and while resuming the journey the woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. What's in the bag?" asked the woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband." The woman was silent for a moment. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder she said: "Good trade."

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:30

Old Scotland. Two nearby castles are at war. One shoots a cannonball at the other. Bang. A piece of wall breaks. In a while the second castle shoots at the first one. A part of a tower becomes a pile of stones. And so on for some time. Then there is a long silence. Suddenly from one of the castles a cry is heard: "Why don't you shoot?" And the answer: "You have the cannonball."

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:31

A Jesuit priest decided to visit a small island off the coast of Connemara. The inhabitants numbered no more than a couple of dozen, but the priest threw himself into the Lord's work with a vengeance. Having taken over the bar of the pub for Mass, and having delivered a fire and brimstone sermon, he questioned his small congregation. "How long is it since any of you had your confessions heard?" he asked. "Well, Father,' answered Brendan, the oldest inhabitant. "It must be three years since the last priest was here." "Why didn't you make a trip to the mainland?" thundered the priest. "Well, Father,' said Brendan, "the water between us and the mainland is very rough, and our boat is old and leaky. So you see. if we've only venial sins to confess, it's not worth the bother, and if we've mortal sins, it's not worth the risk!"

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:34

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a lad dressed in sunglasses, loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses the lad: "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The fellah replies, "I'm Johnny O'Rourke, taxi-driver, Brooklyn, New York." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Phillip Smith, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:34

An attractive young lady was on a plane arriving from Ireland. She found herself seated next to an elderly priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?" "Of course my child, What can I do for you?" "Here is the problem.I bought myself a new sophisticated vibrating hair remover for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?" "Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie." "You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the worrisome personal gadget. The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son", he replied. Finding his reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?" The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used." Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next!"

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:35

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down. The choir director stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, for our closing selection,let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:36

A bit of a groaner, but it made us grin...hope it does the same for you.
A party of tourists was taking in the sights on the west coast of Ireland. Having driven for a couple of hours, the coach pulled up at a monastery where the holy hospitalers had prepared tea and cakes. After the snack, the tourists were being shown around the historic building. Entering the kitchen they found a brother slicing potatoes and dropping them into a pan of boiling fat. 'Oh I see,' said a smart-alec Englishman, 'you're obviously a chipmunk?' 'No,' was the reply, 'I'm the friar.'

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:37

The wife had invited a houseful to Thanksgiving dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear your mother say," the father suggested. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:38

A young man named Sean received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and even profane. Sean tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and even reading him Scripture, or anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, Sean got really fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot just yelled back. Sean shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, Sean threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and stuck him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he might have really hurt the parrot, Sean quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude, obnoxious language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my crude and unforgivable behavior."
Sean was stunned at the complete change in the bird's attitude! As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I inquire as to what the turkey did?"

Ladybbird · 29-08-11, 04:40

4

It was England v. Ireland at Wembley. It was at that very match when the two Clancy brothers approached the turnstile."How much is it?" asked Michael "Twenty pounds." said the ticket-seller. "Well, I've only got one eye and so I'm only paying ten!"And, wonder of wonders, the man let him in. "And I'm only paying ten pounds." said Owen."Hang on," said the ticket seller, 'you've got two eyes!" "Yes," said Owen, "but I've only come to see Ireland."

Ladybbird · 06-09-11, 04:09

An Irishman sees a job advert published on a building site, 'handyman
wanted apply within'. So he does and speaks to the foreman.
Foreman: Can you drive a forklift truck?
Irishman: No
Foreman: Can you plaster?
Irishman: No
Foreman: Can you brick lay?
Irishman: No
Foreman: If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you?
Irishman: I only live five minutes down the road.

11-06-11, 04:25	#51
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. Jock Brown - Celtic General Manager. __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:26	#52
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Twins Jack and Sarah were always squabbling. Tired of listening to them yelling at each other and knowing full well neither one would admit they were in the wrong, their mother says, "I have an idea: Sarah, why don't you tell Jack you were wrong, and Jack, you tell Sarah she was right. So, Sarah says to Jack "I was wrong." Jack grins and says to Sarah: "You are right." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:26	#53
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Two lovely old biddies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week for a cup of tea and a natter. One day they were sipping their tea when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't go getting upset with me...I know we've been pals for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. At last, she said, "How soon do you need to know? __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:27	#54
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A young lad had just gotten his provisional license. (learner's permit) He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "If you bring your marks up, study your bible, and get your hair cut, we'll talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could now discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Well, son, I see that your marks have improved, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Didn't Samson have long hair, Moses have long hair, Noah have long hair, and even Jesus himself have long hair?" His father replied, "They did so, and they walked everywhere they went!" __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:28	#55
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Morris walks out into the street and hails a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Liam." "Who?" "Liam O'Connor. There's a lad who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Liam.""Every path has its puddle" says Morris." "It wasn't like that with Liam," says the cabbie."He was a brilliant athlete. He could have played football for Kerry. He could golf with the pros. He sang like Ronan Tynon and he danced like Michael Flatley. What's more, he had a memory like Methusalah. He could remember everyone's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole town goes out.""No wonder you remember him." says Morris. "Well, I never actually met the man." "Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Morris. "I married his widow." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:29	#57
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Well, our lovely 90-year old Miss O'Leary is at it again....she was certain her horse would win the big race at the Curragh because the bookie told her it would start at twenty to one and the race didn't begin until a quarter past. __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:30	#58
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Pat and Mike are drinking in the done-up version of their local pub, The Continental Bistro and Bar in the Ballybegorrah Arms Hotel, Killarney. They take in the no-sawdust on the new Italian tile floor; the hi-back red leather bar stools; the bowls of free black olives, cashew nuts and tasty "tapas" on the shiny, black, two inch thick, granite counter. "Ye know", Pat," says Mike, "it's all brilliant, but I miss the auld spittoon." Pat takes his pipe from his mouth, sips his pint, then says,"You always did, me auld friend. You always did." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:31	#60
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) An Irish lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Jameson with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me." "Well, thank you kindly, sir" says she. As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too." The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I'll have a Jameson with two drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too." The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I'll have another Jameson with two drops of water." "Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Jameson with only two drops of water?" The old woman replies, "Ah, lad, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold the hard stuff. Holding your water, however, is another matter entirely." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

11-06-11, 04:33	#61
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) End P.2 Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to hold the bulb, one to screw it in, and one to say how grand the old one was. __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:33	#62
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) P3 Father Murphy went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. At one house it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the priest had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote "Revelations 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and him with me." The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below Father Murphy's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10": "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself." . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:35	#63
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Sir Boyle Roche, MP for Co. Kerry was notorious for his oratorical blunders. Witness this lovely example: During the French Revolution, he warned that the revolutionaries might invade Ireland. "Sir," he declaimed, "they would break in, cut us to mince meat and throw our bleeding heads on that table to stare us in the face." Who would not answer such a call to arms, not to mention legs and feet?" . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:37	#64
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Next Of Kin A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. O'Toole, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, sorry, I don't have any insurance," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" asked the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun persisted. "Just my sister in America" he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. O'Toole. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God." "Wonderful," said O'Toole. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law." . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:39	#65
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the lady all dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the man wearing black?" . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:40	#66
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:42	#67
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) "Which is the first and most important sacrament?" asked the Catechism teacher. "Marriage", avowed Moira. "No, baptism is the first and most important sacrament," corrected the teacher. "Not in our family," retorted Moira, in a haughty voice. "We're decent people!" . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:44	#68
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Charlie was a regular visitor at the Galway Races. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the race very carefully, and sure enough the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again he went to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Thinking there might be something to it, Charlie put a couple of euros on the blessed horse. Sure enough it came in by two lengths and Charlie won close to fifty euros! The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races and Charlie won each time. He was now ahead a thousand, so between races Charlie left the track, went to the bank and withdrew his life's savings. The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the priest and watched which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put every euro he owned on that horse to win. The race began. Down the stretch they came, and as they crossed the finish line, Charlie's pick was last! Devastated, he found the priest and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses all day, and they all became winners except the last horse on which he had bet his life savings. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Why didn't it win like the others?" "Ye must be a Protestant," sighed the priest. "The trouble is you can't tell the difference between a blessing and the last rites." . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:47	#69
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A wealthy couple from Texas were touring Ireland and found themselves in a tiny rural village at lunchtime. The only place serving food was a somewhat rustic looking cafe which in their opinion, had seen better days. Having no other choice, they carefully stepped over the pooch snoozing on the threshold and went inside. As they sat down, the husband frowned as he brushed some crumbs from his chair and his wife did likewise as she wiped the table with her napkin.The waitress came over and asked if they would like to see a menu. "No thanks," said the husband. "I'll just have a cup of tea with cream and sugar."I'll have the same", his wife said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." Unphased by the rudeness of the remark, the waitress smiled and marched off into the kitchen. A few minutes later, she was back."Two cups of tea," she announced in her lovely lilting Irish brogue..."And which one of you was it who wanted the clean cup?" . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

21-06-11, 18:49	#70
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Two Irish men are in a plane. The roof comes off! Mick says to Paddy, "If this plane turns upside down will we fall out??""No way Mick" says Paddy, "we'll still be best friends." . __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:50	#71
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Three priests went for a ramble in the country. It was unusually hot for Ireland in September and before too long, they were sweating profusely. They came upon a small lake and since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few blackberries while enjoying their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area, they saw a group of ladies from the village coming towards them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, two of the priests covered their privates, but the third one covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the first two priests asked the third why he covered his face rather than his privates. "I don't know about you two," he replied, "but in my parish, it's my face they would recognize." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:51	#72
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on the roof of a skyscraper. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping as well." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped. The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he was so bored with burritos." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife... wait for it......... Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:52	#73
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said !#!, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "!#!, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really angry now and says, "Father , God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father swings and misses again. "!#!, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes the nun dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice......... "S!#!, I missed." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:54	#74
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) The store manager, O'Reilly, heard Maryann his assistant tell a customer, "No mam, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." O'Reilly was horrified and ran over to the customer and said, "Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week." Then he took the assistant aside and said, "Never, never, say we're out of anything - say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now what was it she wanted?" "Rain," said the assistant. __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:56	#75
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to squabble over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:57	#76
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Idly, the American tourist watched the Cork man dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called out: "Hey, buddy, what's that you're doing?" "I'm digging potatoes, sir." "Potatoes? You call those puny things potatoes? Back home in Idaho we have potatoes ten times that size!" "Indeed sir, and that's as it needs be; a good potato should be of a size to fit the mouth." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:58	#77
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Dublin. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one food that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 02:59	#78
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A bit of graveyard humor in observation of October and the run up to Samhaim Beneath this stone lies Murphy They buried him today He lived the life of Reilly While Reilly was away __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

26-06-11, 03:06	#79
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) P4 Seamus O'Brien had been hailed as the most intelligent Irish man for three years running. He had topped such shows as Larry Gogans 'Just a Minute Quiz' and 'Quicksilver'. It was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter into the English Mastermind Championships. He did, and won a place. On the evening of the competition, Seamus walks on stage, sits down and makes himself comfortable. The lights dim and a spotlight shines on his face. Magnus, the emcee, proceeds: "Seamus, what subject are you studying?" Seamus responds, "Irish history". "Very well," says Magnus, "your first question - in what year did the 'Easter Rising take place?" "Pass," says Seamus. "Okay," says Magnus, "Who was the leader of the Easter Rising?" Seamus responds,"Pass." "Well then," says Magnus, "how long did the Easter Rising last?" Again, Seamus responds, "Pass." Instantly, a voice from the audience shouts out: "Good man, Seamus - tell the English nothing..." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

01-07-11, 02:42	#80
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) The teacher asked each of her students how they celebrated Christmas. She calls first on young Patrick O'Flaherty. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time? Patrick addresses the class: "Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing carols. Then we come home very late and we hang up our pillowcases at the foot of the bed. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys." "Very nice, Patrick," the teacher says. "Now, Billy Murphy, what do you do at Christmas?" "Me and my sister go to church with Mum and Dad, and we also sing carols. When we get home, we put biscuits and milk by the chimney and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents." "That's also very nice, Billy," she said. Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked him the same question. "Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?" "Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responds. Surprised, the teacher questions further. "Tell us what you sing." "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing, 'What a friend we have in Jesus.' Then we all go to the Bahamas." __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

01-07-11, 02:44	#81
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A passerby watched two Kerry men in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. "Tell me," said the passerby, "What on earth are you doing?" "Well," said the digger,"Usually there are three of us. I dig, Paddy plants the tree and Mick fills in the hole. Today Paddy is off ill, but that doesn't mean Mick and I get the day off, does it?" __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

01-07-11, 02:45	#83
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Two English counterfeiters had produced thousands of genuine-looking notes - £50, £20, £10 - and really they should have been happy with their lot. Much wants more, so they scrambled through the discarded notes that had not passed close scrutiny. Among the jumble they came upon a perfectly fine note - watermarked, Queen's head in exactly the right place. The only trouble was that the amount shown was £18. Never mind,' said Brown, the bossman. "We'll unload it when we're over in Ireland." And so they took the note with them and, whilst in Kerry, they entered a corner shop to dispense with it "Excuse me," said Brown to shopkeeper Casey. "Have you got change for an £18 note?" "Indeed, sir," said Casey. "And would you like three sixes or two nines?" __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

01-07-11, 02:46	#84
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) When my wife's sister, Patty, was very young, she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy named Rory, over to spend the night. As the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew that someday the sleepovers would have to end. One night, when Rory and his family were visiting, everyone gathered around the television to watch the Rose of Tralee pageant. When Patty asked if Rory could stay over, the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally come to discontinue the tradition. At that moment, the pageant host announced a contestant's measurements: 36-22-36. "Rory," his mother asked, "what are those numbers?" The boy thought for only a moment before responding, "Ninety-four?" Rory was allowed to stay. __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

01-07-11, 03:44	#85
stevedore Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: an island east coast canada Posts: 166 Thanks: 226 Thanked 183 Times in 95 Posts	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) *Perfect lol*

18-07-11, 14:14	#86
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) 4 For many years Kate Murphy had run the fruit and vegetable stall in the town market and she'd learned to have an answer for any situation. So there she stood, watching the big Texan who was poking around the stall. 'Hey, what are these?' he asked. 'Apples,' said Kate. 'Apples?' laughed the Yank. 'Why, in Texas we have apples twice that size! And what are these?' "Those are potatoes,' said Kate. 'Potatoes? Where I come from, bragged the Texan, our potatoes are twice as big at least,' Just then he picked up a cabbage, but before he could speak Kate said: 'If you're not buying Brussels sprouts, you'd best be putting that down.' __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

29-08-11, 04:07	#87
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) Clonmacnoise Founded in 545 AD by St Ciaran, Clonmacnoise monastery became between the 7th and 12th centuries a religious, literature and arts center for monks all over Europe. They came to study and pray in the “Island of saints and scholars” when the rest of Europe was still in the Dark Ages. Clonmacnoise was totally devastated by fire as well as successive raids but the site retains its stunning features. The view captured in this image has remained relatively unchanged for 1500 years. Clonmacnoise lay in decay until the Office of Public Works began the arduous task of turning this sacred place into one of Ireland's most famous visitors' centres. Interestingly - and we have yet to find out why - for centuries, courting couples have stood on each side of the arch whispering their words of love to each other. END Maybe we could be rebuild it,,,, and I could put a few of you guys in there when you are being naughty in the Mature Section. __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES

29-08-11, 04:25	#88
Ladybbird Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 47,549 Thanks: 27,621 Thanked 14,458 Times in 10,262 Posts Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	re: Irish Humour (Joke of the Day- Grinn an Lae) A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that the local vicar had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The vicar agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old in first that morning; with the older boy to see the vicar in the afternoon. The vicar, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide eyed. So the vicar repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the vicar raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!!!!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dived into a cupboard, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the cupboard , he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing - and they think WE did it.!" __________________ PUTIN TRUMP & Netanyahu Will Meet in HELL ..................*SHARKS are Closing in on TRUMP*.......................... *TRUMP WARNS; 'There'll Be a Bloodbath* If I Don't Get Elected'..MAGA - MyAssGotArrested...IT's COMING** PLEASE HELP THIS SITE..Click DONATE & Thanks to ALL Members of ... 1.. THIS SITE IS MORE THAN JUST WAREZ...& TO STOP SPAM-IF YOU WANT TO POST, YOUR FIRST POST MUST BE IN WELCOMES