The Top 10 Signs You're Flying On A Bad Airline
 

10) The engine's being held on by duct tape.

9) You overhear some pilots conspiring to get another pilot fired because he's landed all his planes without incident and it's making them look bad.

8) The in-flight movie is a documentary of the top ten worst airplane crashes of all time.

7) Pilot informs you that you're at cruising altitude and he's gonna put the top down.

6) Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.

5) As you're taking off, the stewardess mentions the pilots of your flight were the winners of the "Be a Pilot For a Day" raffle.

4) The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.

3) The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club..."she" has a beard and bigger arms than you!

2) Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Vodka before he finishes the bottle.

1) You look down and see a copy of "Fixing a Plane for Dummies" by the mechanic's feet!!!