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04-01-13, 13:54 | #1 |
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: In The Hills of Tennessee
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New Year Resolutions For Pets
15. I will not eat other animals' poop.
14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars. 8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year. 5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. 1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND
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