Alternative Affirmations for the New Year
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. 5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment. 6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. 7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding. 8. I am at one with my duality. 9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots. 10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday. 11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws. 12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!" 13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. 14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. 15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future? 16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working. 17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. |
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