oscar

Yesterday at Wal-Mart I was buying 2 large bags of Purina Dog Chow for my 2 large dogs. I was in the check-out line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, but that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I told her I probably shouldn’t because last time I’d ended up in the hospital! I’d lost 50 pounds when I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina dog food nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I thought I’d try it again. By this time everyone in this line (and others) was now enthralled with my weight loss story. Horrified, she asked if I was in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no – I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore!